I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
