I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
