how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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