So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
