I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
