You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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