you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
