cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's shark week go big or go home
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
