He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
