Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize