I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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