it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
