Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
