yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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