What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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