If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well I just put wine in my tea
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
