So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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