I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
