it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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