so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I can't turn off my feet"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
