ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
