You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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