i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
