tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
