I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
