apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i drank out of a bidet.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
