that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
How external is "for external use only"?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
