whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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