The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
