She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize