I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
that may or may not have been my penis.
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