You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
