why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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