WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
