I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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