Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize