omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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