Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
