How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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