the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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