btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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