you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
