Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize