he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
