im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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