we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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