Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
