Pappa wants mamma naked
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
