I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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