Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
