After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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