Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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