You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize