hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
im holly from the hills drunk
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
