I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
