what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
