I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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