Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
