I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
