Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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