Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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