ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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