i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
it was like his penis was on wheels.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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