he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
