Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
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