Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
