my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Even my vagina gasped.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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