He is such a slut. More and more my type.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
