Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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