His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
